#at least it completely vaccinated me against doing it more

[mellosdrawings]

I'm feeling like rambling about AI on main, ignore me if it's not your cup of tea.

So a while ago, I did check out those art prompts AI, because when I pester about something, I like to know what I'm rambling about. I like to do a minimum of research and, if possible, try the thing out before making my opinion. For AI art, my opinion was already pretty solid, but I still wanted to check it out.

I found a free prompt stuff online, asked it a super easy prompt, and asked for a handful of different images. Just to see.

The prompt was [character tripping]. Really. Super easy, right? I wanted the thing to have as much liberty as possible.

It's not just that though. I chose this prompt because it is something I did in art school. Our teacher would give us simple prompts, and we would have to draw doodles in 5 minutes or less. Imagine a class of 15 exhausted art students full of caffeine being told to draw someone tripping.

The 15 art students' results? Little boys tripping over tree roots, teenage girls falling while rollskating, business men tripping on their papers and burning themselves with coffee, old ladies cracking a hip, comical falls backwards with a leg up, realistic falls forward with pained expressions, etc etc.

See, our fast doodles weren't any better than AI anatomically speaking. We were missing hands and our faces were distorted and a foot was bigger than another, things that are also common with AI. But the DIVERSITY. I remember being flabbergasted by it. We all had the same prompt, but none of us drew the same thing. I remember drawing the good old banana peel slip from the old comics I read when I was a kid. My best friend drew a kid falling in mud.

We did several prompts like that as training, and I always loved to see what everybody was doing, because it was always so different.

Now, here was the AI result: 5 anime girls in a running position at an angle, making shocked pikachu faces. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. The angle and the running poses were the only things that changed, and even then just slightly.

The AI only did 5 times the same stuff. Art style changed a bit from one to the other, but always the same vibe, always the same composition, and always that godsdamned shocked pikachu face. It was very underwhelming.

I don't care about perfect anatomy and lighting. But I care about creativity. I love seeing things that I would never have thought to do myself. And the AI didn't provide that at all. Coz AI has no creativity whatsoever. If you don't further your prompt to be very specific, it will just reheat the same bland stuff again and again. It's just boring.

I have a lot of grievances about AI. Art theft, environmental blunder, artists being paid even less than they already were (as if people and companies suggesting to pay us in visibility wasn't bad enough). But even on an emotional level there's nothing. Yes, it's great to see one's character/idea brought to life when one cannot draw. But it'll be the blandest stuff ever. That's just a shame.

[rosecrystal]

do you think feminism is still needed in 2025? like the word has completely lost its meaning. now it is toxic and all about hating men instead of doing something for women who are truly suffering. i am also a woman who knows how terrible the world is, both men and women are horrible. tbh we can't make our world a better place by hating men, this new wave of feminism is just misandry. ive been listening to candace owens lately and she's absolutely correct about how women's victimisation is harming our society. she talked about how women have taken advantage of the me too movement and put false allegations against men to make tons of money. these women are actually harming real victims who suffer in real life because these women don't care about having morals or anything. this radfem believe all women & kill all men nonsense is whats truly radicalising men to hate all women. most women don't even take accountability for their actions bc modern feminism and girls girl nonsense are influencing them in a very wrong way.

Do we need feminism in 2025? I don’t know in what kind of world you live in, but in mine every woman I know including me has been sexually harassed by a man at least once in their lifetime, according to the statistics around 91% of sexual assault victims are female with nearly 99% of the perpetrators being male, and this is just keeping in consideration victims who have actually come forward with it, because the majority of women who experience sexual assault do not report it to the police (about up to 20% of them do) . As a matter of fact, sexual assault is considered an underreported crime, even though there is a widely held belief that false rape accusations are common. An Irish prevalence study found that 40% of people believed rape allegations were often false, even though international research shows false rape accusations are very rare (with only about 2% of allegations being proven false).

Do we need feminism in 2025? When child brides still exist and women are still lacking basic rights throughout the world? When it’s going to take up to 134 years to fully close the gender pay gap in the most “developed” countries? When women in the U.S. who are pregnant or who have recently given birth are more likely to be murdered than to die from obstetric causes? What about medicine, where historically, medical studies have excluded female participants and research data have been collected from males and generalized to females? (And I’m not even getting into gender + racial bias when it comes to medical malpractice, or obstetric violence, which would need a whole chapter) Where most vaccines and medicines that are in circulation today have only been tested on the average white male? Where even pads, a female product, were tested on with water instead of menstrual blood and only recently were tested with it, revealing they’re not as effective as thought to be? When trans women face disproportionate violence and “honor” killings in the streets and their homes, and even at the hands of healthcare providers?

Do we need feminism in 2025, when a lot of people, you included, think that women speaking out against the mistreatment we have historically received and having higher standards, whether romantically or socially, means hating men? When even women “hating” men means avoiding men altogether or making online jokes, but men hating women translates in sexual and domestic violence and murder? Do we need feminism in 2025 when men getting radicalized by other men & the patriarchy to hate women is still blamed on the women?

While I’m not about “girls girl” privileged woman tiktok feminism, I will never discredit the war women fought and are still fighting all around the world in order to reach liberation and gender equality. I also ask you to look beyond superficial stereotypes and form your own opinions through studying and learning, it is never too late. The women who fought and got killed in fighting for their (our) rights, it is thanks to them that you and me can vote or study or work or have our own bank accounts today. At the very least we should do the same for future generations and keep the movement alive through activism today instead of falling into these superficial thought patterns. I agree about not agreeing with a lot of mainstream tiktok bullshit, then get educated and do something about it, join or create a club or movement instead of staying online philosophizing whether the type of feminism you see around is good or not. Do better. At the end of the day, none of us is free until all of us are free (and I mean every woman from every corner of the world, regardless of race, sexual orientation etc)! And that’s what I stand for and will always keep believing in.

[handbellanon]

Ok I might actually have enough spoons left over to get this out in more-than-bullet-point form. But I'm still so pissed about how Tim killed off Bobby this season, not because I'm against character death in general (in fact I can find it very cathartic if done right), but because of how it was done.

I talked a little bit about this right after the episode first aired, but a lot of my issue in my immediate reaction was the way the reveal happened. It could have been SO much less of a twist for shock value had they shown the clip with his ruptured line a little earlier in the episode. Build the audience tension with will-he-won't-he tell them he's also been exposed.

This wasn't a case of somebody wanting to leave and not having a better idea of how to have them permanently exit the show. There's been a universal across-the-board consensus that this was entirely Tim's idea and Peter Krause didn't want to leave and all of the other cast had to be convinced on this idea. Because we've literally had everyone emphatically reiterating the same story, I'm not inclined to conspiracy theories that something happened behind the scenes.

So none of this was necessary, and Tim may be taking whatever swings he wants as a creator, but that doesn't mean that it makes for a good story (tangentially, I've been seeing a lot of good meta on my dash about this regarding Critical Role Campaign 3).

But even beyond that, the thing that pisses me off the most is that Tim explicitly said Bobby dying was "realistic," but if you know even an ounce of virology/epidemiology, you can poke so many holes in that plot. And look, I am by no means an epidemiologist, and I am not even particularly well versed in immunology. But I do have two degrees in the biological sciences and even just the internal inconsistency of the way the plot was written is just *bad.*

First off, the modified CCHF virus is presented to us by Moira as having a decreased incubation period, not as being a more lethal version. The difference is how long it takes symptoms to manifest (for the purposes of the show), not you-have-a-higher-chance-of-dying. Moira's goal was to accelerate the research process. This was explicit dialogue in the show specifying how the modified virus worked, but that just got completely thrown out later. If you're gonna have that kind of detail in a show like this, at least make sure your episode agrees with itself, what the hell.

Bobby also arguably had a decreased viral load, on account of the fact that contaminated air was coming in through his ruptured SCBA hose- he wasn't fully open-mouthed breathing contaminated air like Chimney was.

But the worst part of this whole thing (as others on my dash have pointed out) is that to do this to Bobby spits in the face of all his character growth we've seen over the past 8 seasons. He started out season 1 actively suicidal and straight up told Chimney that he was biding his time, waiting to fill the names in his book, and then he was going to kill himself. And then he met Athena, and slowly learned to live life again in the after, and build a new life and sense of purpose for himself. We saw him fight to live again and again and again.

As Eddie said in the finale, "if there's one thing I learned from Bobby, there's always another choice." But Bobby didn't even try. He just decided that Chim was gonna get the cure and that was it, nevermind the fact that CCHF only has a 40% mortality rate. They just wrote him giving up, when he could have used duct tape to minimize his exposure, let them know he needed to be quarantined, and tried to beat it with a supportive care regimen.

We're also apparently ignoring the rat that Chim took with him that was cured in the previous episode. And the fact that antibodies and vaccines can be extracted from organisms that survive an infection like CCHF and at least try to come up with a treatment while keeping Bobby on supportive care. There were just so many ways Bobby could have been ill and survived.

Hell, if you wanted to shake up the 118 like Tim claimed he wanted, you can open up space for a new captain without killing Bobby. Give him a CEI. Have him promoted up the brass so he's out of the firehouse. Force him back to Hotshots. Let him retire out to the country. I don't know, pick something. You don't have to shatter the firehouse like that for the sake of "shaking things up." This is just being destructive for the sake of being destructive.

And THEN, the follow up to all of this was that, for all Bobby was the head of the 118, his funeral was a token few minutes at the very end of the next episode, an episode in which the audience is strung along by the jailed mother's baby maybe-maybe-not being alive. Even if people weren't comparing that plot to Bobby, the show spends an entire episode building hope that this mother might be right, and her baby might be alive, only for it all to not be true. And the point is driven home by (what little we saw of) the funeral. There's no time given for the audience to fully grieve, or to really dig into how the core A-shift are feeling other than "bad."

I will also add, that for anyone who is involved any more than the GA, the April Fools' post with the leaked script page of Bobby being buried alive felt particularly cruel. It's one thing to do silly stuff, but to joke about a character being alive when you're fully planning on not doing that? That's getting into the realm of emotional manipulation, not harmless fun. Especially when there's a lot of speculation regarding them shooting multiple turnout coats on the back of the engine during the leak. Like, all in all, it was bad decisions exacerbated by bad taste.

This was supposed to be the show where we could trust that they would save each other and the victims, but that all got thrown out for the sake of making waves. And the character plots were essentially nonexistent. The things that sucked me in to this show through Tumblr and kept me watching are just...gone. I don't want an emergency drama that's all cases-of-the-week, I want a family that cares about each other and grows and loves.

Peter Krause deserved better and Bobby Nash deserved better.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for hanging out with someone less in-person, and more online?

Here me out first please.

My buddy Austin (he/him) and I usually hang out at least every other week, if not every week. We've been doing this for the last few years after we both got more conformable doing in-person hangouts after the covid vaccines reached the general public in our country.

About a year ago, Austin was in a car accident (not a major one, don't worry) and walked away with a mild concussion (doctor's description). Ever since that car accident, Austin has been super sensitive to sound. In his words, walking across his floor in socks sounds like elephant stomping. His floor is carpet. Typing on a phone is so loud and distracting he can't hear anything else. Birds outside his house sound like they're chirping directly into his ear. He vents to me often that having a regular-volumed conversation sounds so loud it's painful to him.

When I'm over at his house, I try to be as quiet as I can. I'm careful to soft-step around the house and not take my shoes off. I try to shuffle or slide through the kitchen and other rooms that are not carpet so I make less noise. We whisper or half-whisper half-speak to each other in conversation. Movies we have subtitles on and the volume turned down to almost 0%. But Austin still looks like he's in pain by the end of a couple hour hang-out. Sometimes he'll get up and put in earplugs and then come back to continue the hangout. I feel really bad that he's putting himself through so much.

The last few months, instead of always hanging out in-person, I've been suggesting doing something virtual and letting Austin decide which he wants. I figure that if we're gaming, he can wear his earplugs or mute the game and we can use game chat or text each other to communicate. Same with watching movies, we can both adjust our volumes to our comfort levels (and leave subtitles on still. I don't mind them). Sometimes he wants to just do things online, and sometimes he insists on hanging out in-person. It's been about 60/40 online to in-person so far.

We hung out last weekend and first Austin said let's hang out in-person, but the night before we were supposed to hang out, he told me he rather hang out online this time. I was cool with it, but when I let my roommate Geoff (who is also good friends with Austin) know that actually I'd be home most of the day Saturday and answered Geoff's "why are you hanging out with Austin online again?" with "i don't know, Austin probably wants a quiet weekend instead", my roommate started accusing me of infantilizing Austin by hanging out online instead of in-person, that I'm abandoning Austin because his "auditory disablility is too inconvenient for fragile able-bodied feelings" (Geoff's words), and how since Austin hasn't explicitly said that in-person hanging out is too loud for him, then I'm being ableist by assuming things are too loud when he hasn't directly said that I am too loud. I argued that I don't think of Austin as lesser, I just don't want to cause him any unnecessary pain, and it's pretty obvious when things are too loud for him without words, because you can read the "Make it stop" / "No more" expression on his face. But Geoff doubled down really hard and told me i should be ashamed of treating Austin like he's incapable of making his own choices.

I was pissed and just walked out with my laptop. We did our movie day with me on the local library wifi instead. I don't think for a second I've taken away Austin's ability to choose, since I let Austin make the call on in-person or online!! But I'm also completely able-bodied. I haven't even experienced a temporary disability-experience like needing crutches during injury recovery or anything. Geoff has a chronic pain and fatigue disorder, so he has more experience with microaggressions than I do. So I don't know if I'm right about this being a non-issue, or if Geoff is right about me being ableist against Austin's noise sensitivities. It keeps eating at me now, and I don't want to bring this up with Austin since I already know he's really insecure about his new volume tolerance levels. Am I an asshole for doing online hangouts with Austin instead of sticking to only in-person stuff?

[piracytheorist]

In Life, And in Death (11/11)

Fandom: Spy x Family Word count: 1k for this chapter | 33k in total Rating: T Warnings: Temporary character death, graphic violence, horror imagery, body horror, mild gore, whump, language Cover art by buf309

Summary: Anya is kidnapped, and Twilight is thrown into the horrors of a mysterious, deadly village. Forced and then choosing to survive its trials - physical and mental - he’s brought to figure out who he truly is. (A Resident Evil Village fusion)

AO3 Read from the beginning

~

Chapter 11: Light at the End

~

It was said that when one door closed, another one opened.

For all intents and purposes, the door to his spy life was apparently closing behind him.

He didn’t want to stop. Losing half of his field of vision was already a hurdle he had to get used to, but if his body became as durable as Dimitrescu’s, or Heisenberg’s…

He wasn’t becoming a monster. Not anytime soon, at least.

After all, hadn’t Miranda said that his affinity to the mold was perfect?

Of course, it took a couple weeks before he could walk properly, and even then he needed a cane most of the time.

They were relocated to a small town, less than an hour away from Berlint.

Franky was told everything, and he would visit every other weekend. Twilight was surprised with the familiarity his visits offered. He was glad to have a new life with Anya and Yor, but apparently the connection he shared with Franky helped him remember that despite his new nature, his humanity was still intact.

Yuri was told less so, and he would visit in the weekends between Franky’s visits. Yor was begrudgingly used to lying to him, but the way her face glowed every time she saw her little brother alleviated some of Twilight’s guilt.

That left Anya needing a reminder of her old life. So, against Sylvia’s better judgment, they also told a similar lie to the Blackbells.

That tale was about Mr. Forger recovering from a car accident, and needing the peaceful life of the countryside while he healed. Becky would visit twice a week after school, arriving with Martha, her attendant, and leaving by nightfall.

Although it was his idea to tell the Blackbell family, so that Anya could keep her friend in her life, he couldn’t help wondering if their secrets would eventually drive the two girls apart. But then, what would Anya say? “I was murdered by five genetically modified humans, and my father literally died putting me back together, but I infected him with my mutated mold so he’s still walking among us as a conscious corpse. Also I read minds”?

Miranda had kept archives of everything related to Project Apple, including notes on Anya’s nature. It was only long-term contact with her that could make someone infected by her, which meant that the weekly visits from the others wouldn’t be harmful, at least not in the short term. Yor was naturally immune, and Loid was completely made of that stuff now, though he wasn’t infectious. In the meantime, they would give tissue samples so that WISE could try and develop a vaccine for other people who would come into contact with Anya.

Yuri already had the same gene that made him immune, like Yor, but they hadn’t discussed how they would convince Becky Blackbell to get a mysterious vaccine, or if it would be acceptable to give it to her without her knowledge.

Sylvia kept telling them they had time to figure things out. He wanted to get back to work, but she was adamant in making him retire.

He’d protested, at first. There was still a lot of work to do; and if his body adapted well, he could only imagine how much more effective he would be. To think that he could run past enemies firing bullets at him, only feeling them as simple papercuts…

But Sylvia said that Miranda’s archives were deeply detailed about Project Apple. Details that proved the previous Ostanian government had funded the project, fully aware it would be dealing with human experimentation. Names and signatures and direct orders to dispose of any non-cooperating witnesses.

Those files were like a nuclear time bomb. If the Westalian government found out about them, there would be no stopping that side from reigniting the flames of war, but for now the current government in Ostania seemed to see the threat well enough to begin suggesting policies for surrender of weapons.

It wasn’t their best tool; people still deserved to know the atrocities that took place in their country, and the ones involved still deserved to face consequences for their decisions.

But it was something. And people like him couldn’t afford to haggle.

So he stayed in that small town as he slowly recovered his strength. Anya bounced back immediately, in a physical sense. Emotionally, she rarely spent more than a few minutes or so away from him or Yor.

Since learning about her real age, they decided to let her pause school for now. She could start over the next year, without having to compete with kids one year older than her, while still reeling from what had happened to her.

For now, she spent her time playing, drawing, learning to care for the flowers in their small garden.

And at night, she would cling to him or Yor, when nightmares plagued her.

At least, he thought, she was young enough to find time to heal.

He didn’t know what time he had.

His nightmares weren’t any better, and though his body showed the usual signs of development, nails growing, and hair, whether scalp, facial, or body hair growing in a normal pace too, he had the feeling he would simply be stuck to how he looked like now.

From Miranda’s files they had deduced she’d stayed the same age for nearly eighty years. The Lords had stayed the same age too, after she’d experimented on them, and all of them would have probably lasted way longer if they hadn’t messed with the wrong spy.

So now, it was a matter of waiting and seeing. Aside from missing a heartbeat and his body being slightly colder than normal, he seemed to be working fine.

Yor stayed. She wanted to be there for Anya, she seemed to have forgiven him for his lies, she wasn’t going to report him, and she promised she’d always be ready and willing to put a stop to him if he ever lost control.

Anya wanted to be sleeping with both of them, so they’d found a solution by having her sleep in the middle of a king size bed, while they lay on the sides.

And a few months into their adjusting into this life, Yor reached over and took his hand in hers, one night after Anya had fallen asleep.

She wasn’t scared. She wasn’t disgusted. She only saw two human beings that she wanted to give her love to.

They looked into each other’s eyes as they fell asleep.

Maybe that was where the next door opened.

[laconchadetumadre]

We all know I’m obsessed with making Kyle suffer soooo tell us your angstiest Kyle headcanons😼

Yay! An ask! Thank youuu

And like, same. I think liking kyle comes with liking to see him suffer (tho i personally prefer to have him learn from it unlike mattrey who seem to just find his suffering funny lol)

somehow this turned into a top, sorry lol

. kyle and stan angst:

I see so much of it lately. Despite how ooc it can get, especially when fandom makes kyle out to be a bad friend to stan or stan to be completely harmless, it still does it for me. I think the angstiest hc i have of them is that they are in a bit of a "zombie" friendship. like those friends that stay together out of grief for how close their friendship used to be. they both have betrayed their friendship so many times (stan for not standing by kyle more, kyle for failing to understand stan's sensitivity and hiding things from him) but i think their biggest mistake is their refusal to be vulnerable in front of the other. im not saying their relationship is unhealthy to the point of toxicity but it almost feels like they both want to act emotionally tough in front of the other when in fact they are both so prone to crash outs LOL

. broflovski family angst:

the most popular brand of this is sheila ansgt but tbh gerald and kyle hit me just as hard. gerald during the entire skanhunt arc was just awful to kyle and i hated him so much, but what hurts more is that kyle seems to just have accepted it.he doesnt even seem to have any resentment towards his father after everything gerald put him and ike through which is just so.... ugh. i hate that kyle is slowly losing his bite man.

after Gerald, Sheila angst is obvi very painful too. i like that recently so many have pointed out what a good mother she actually is, but she's still got some in her. Take, for example, the vaccination special, where gerald told kyle that not bringing them vaccines would kill his mother and sheila is right there, sitting by him, not even reacting to the awful shit her husband just told her son. and it kills me that this basically implies sheila is FULLY AWARE of how much kyle loves her and wants to protect her and the family and just TAKES ADVANTAGE OF IT. The way I see it, Sheila is usually a good mother to kyle but if she sees it fit, she will manipulate him into doing what she thinks is best for the family. and yk what, this kinda angers me cause sheila seems particularly offended when kyle betrays her. Remember in 20 x 9 "not funny" when she repeatedly finds kyle and ike on the computer after grounding ike for allegedly being the school trolll? she loses her shit at both of them, but this is particularly what she says:

Sheila: I don't care, I said no computers! You kids are addicted to the Internet! You're sick, and you're addicted! It's changed your brother, and now it's turning you against me, Kyle!

Kyle: I'm not against you, mom.

Sheila: You are! Your father goes away on business and all you do is defy me at every turn!

Like, do we see how differently she talks about ike and kyle?? Ike “has changed”, but kyle? kyle is against her, almost attacking her. Sheila seems particularly bothered by the idea of kyle secretly hating her which is just so.... fucked up.... but also very realistic and i love it LOL

its also quite disheartening that in the midst of being yelled at by his mom and being wrongfully accused of being sick and addicted kyle only speaks up to reassure her that he isn't against her, he doesn't hate her, he still loves her.

i'm gonna stop here or this is gonna turn into another one of my annoying long ass essays LOL

.Kybecca

this is another unpopular ship i keep talking about. the only reason i'm bringing them up is because, much like kystophe, i don't see them being endgame (for too long at least). while christophe is thematically perfect for kyle, i think rebecca represents a more traditional sense of success for him. my hc is that she is the mother of kyle's future kids but we never see her because she is either dead or her and kyle are divorced. either option would essentially break kyle's sense of stability and completion. kyle seems like the type of guy who would feel realized for having a traditional hetero family, but given the lack of becca's presence, it seems it won't last for long and i'm sure kyle would find a way to blame himself for it (atp the only true ship for kyle is kyle x guilt and pain)

you may be wondering how come i didn't bring up cartman... well, thats because that turned into a whole essay of its own that i may post later if i finish it and if i don't fall asleep.

anyways thanks again for the ask! i keep feeling like i'm doing this wrong, i somehow end up writing meta instead of headcanons but oh well lol

[i-still-mask-because]

in the wake of all this new information during COVID, do you feel that maybe we should all just be masking all the time, COVID of no COVID? I mean it can't be the only airborne disease out there and immunocompromised ppl have always and will always exist so like. Following that thinking even if we don't have COVID we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right? Idk I'm stressing a lot about this do I just need to wear a mask outside forever cos. Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues and stuff but. I don't wanna?? Kill people by accident??? Aaaaa

Hello, thanks for reaching out about this.

I saw this ask about a month ago, and I needed time to think about how I'd respond to it (so I want to thank you for the patience!).

I'll try to answer all of this to the best of my ability, and I thought I'd answer this by going backwards (responding to the last things you said and then moving up with responding to the first things you said).

Everything is below the cut because this is very long!

First I'll try to summarize what I think you're asking here:

"Vulnerable people exist in this world all around me, therefore does this mean I'm constantly posing a threat to those vulnerable people's safety when I don't mask? The thought of this brings me feelings of stress, fear, and anxiety."

I find this is hard to answer candidly without risking stressing out you or anyone else who's aware of the consequences of their choice not to mask. Nonetheless, my honest answer is: yes, choosing not to mask means risking the lives and safety of vulnerable people, i.e. the disabled, immunocompromised, elderly, children & babies, and those that intersect those groups. That risk can take place directly (such as interacting with an immunocompromised elder) or indirectly (such as interacting with the parent of a disabled child).

I also want to add that it's not only those groups that need protecting. I firmly believe that regardless of your age and/or whether or not you self-identify as disabled or immunocompromised that everyone is at risk of the long-term consequences of this rapidly mutating, vascular, and immunosuppressive virus. No one is invincible to this, and I'll add: not even if you're vaccinated (still get vaccinated if you can, but know that you can still catch covid & develop long covid regardless of your vaccination status).

1. "Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues."

I understand how that can be difficult to deal with, trust me. There are specific masks (such as most standard KN95s) that irritate the hell out of my face after a certain point. The way those specific masks brush against the hairs of my cheeks just make me want to rip the mask off my face completely. Finding alternatives has been a lifesaver, and they've allowed me to get through the day without wanting to maul someone lol. I don't know what masks you have tried out already, so I'll just recommend the one's I like as well as the one's I've heard good reviews on from people that also have sensory issues:

NIOSH 3m Aura N95 Respirators

Flo Mask

GATA Mask (Haven't tried this one yet, but I've heard a LOT of people say this has been a game changer for them because of how comfortable it is & how it doesn't trigger much sensory issues at all due to its silicone material. Probably the only con I've heard is the chance of the build up of moisture in the mask after a long period of use & water possibly dripping on your face— this happens to me sometimes with my Flo Mask. Edit on Sept. 26, 2023: I tried GATA Mask, and I personally have a tough time getting a comfortable fit & seal with it, even when getting the small/medium size for adults to see if it'll make a difference, and the nose bridge shape not fitting well for me is a huge con. Customer service is just suggesting I spend more, so I'll just give this one a break, for now at least. A lot of other people seem to like it though.)

Halyard FLUIDSHIELD [ASTM Level 3] Mask (My mom works in a hospital, and these are masks she brings home from work. They're VERY comfortable for me, especially when I'm masking at home. I recommend finding a way to tighten the loops that go around your ears to prevent as much gaps around the mask as possible. If tight loops hurt your ears easily, I recommend a mask brace.)

O2 Nose Filters (I haven't tried these out yet as well, but I've seen videos demonstrating how effective these are at filtering out SOOO many unseen particles. I don't recommend using these alone of course, because there's still a risk of inhaling harmful aerosols through your mouth. I would recommend using this as a reinforcement of the protective measures you take. For example: adding on a comfortable surgical mask— ideally one with a high filtration efficiency like the previous suggestion— with the nose filters. I think these nose filters would be great if you're removing your mask real quick to take a sip of water or if you're outdoors with enough distance from crowded areas & groups.)

In the ideal world, more people would mask during this on-going pandemic so those that deal with sensory issues and/or those that straight-up can't wear a mask due to medical reasons wouldn't have to worry so much about choosing between existing & risking their health. For now, we just have to find alternatives.

2. "Do I need to wear a mask outside forever?"

My answer to this is: yes until further notice. There's no foreseeable end to this pandemic right now, but it would be worth the patience to wait for adequate tech, treatment, and cures for covid-19 to be released before even thinking about getting loose with masking.

Societal mandates have been dropped way too soon, and public health in regards to covid-19 is being forced on us as an individual responsibility. As a consequence, this gives this rapidly mutating virus a lot of wiggle room to spread and do whatever it wants. This means doctors and experts don't have much answers yet for adequate treatment because there's a MAJOR lack of containment (such as masking & quarantining) and documentation (such as testing & reporting). This isn't to say there hasn't been any advancements whatsoever: for example, Washington University just developed a breath test for covid that gives results in just 1 minute! This is great news! And this is just one reason why it's very necessary for those who can mask to mask, so scientists are given more time to roll out helpful solutions & tools sooner.

Another thing I'll add is if you're symptomatic and/or are positive for covid, you should 100% be wearing a mask no matter what, point blank period. I say "and/or" because it is VERY much possible to have covid and not experience any symptoms at all; this is a major reason why it's necessary to mask up in public consistently, because you can't always know who you bump into that may have covid or not.

3. "Even if we don't have covid, we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right?"

Yes, there is a possibility of spreading airborne diseases to vulnerable people unknowingly— without the protective & preventative tools that is.

I can only speak for America because that's the cultural zeitgeist I grew up in, but: I feel like many of us can agree that, unless you worked in a healthcare setting, what was "normal" (in America) before 2020 when it came to airborne illness prevention was definitely not the regular use of a mask. American health education mainly taught us if we're coughing & sneezing to try to do so in a tissue or into your elbow, as well as frequently wash our hands. That doesn't account for the way air actually works though. For instance, if someone with the common cold coughed into the inside of their elbow, the particles they coughed out are still able to linger in the air because their elbow isn't creating a tight seal around their mouth (their elbow may have caught the droplets from their cough— which are bigger & heavier— but the smaller, lighter aerosols would just spread around similar to how smoke does); it's the difference between 😪 vs 😶‍🌫️. The only sure way for the germs they've coughed out to be blocked from spreading to other people is if they wear a well-fitted, quality mask/respirator.

I feel like health education from a young age should include the benefits of masking; that way it would be easier to adapt to the need to put on a mask to protect ourselves & others as a collective. It would be phenomenal & wonderful if we as a collective were used to masking the same way we're used to putting on socks before putting on our shoes.

4. "Immunocompromised people have always and will always exist"

Yes, that is true. And that means necessary measures taken to protect them, as well as other vulnerable people, should be the standard.

5. "[Covid] can't be the only airborne disease out there"

Of course not. There's plenty of them. However, not all airborne diseases are the same, nor should they be treated as such. What's been observed in regards to the long-term effects of covid is not at all the same with other airborne diseases. Covid is a highly contagious virus that is more than just a respiratory disease. Its goal is to attack your immune system, nervous system, heart, brain, and/or other vital organs. That's what viruses do. They act smart and sneaky, and they have the capability to trigger illnesses in your body that you may not have had pre-infection:

Chickenpox is known to lead to shingles

Epstein-Barr is known to lead to mono

HPV is known to lead to cancer

Covid-19 has been found to lead to:

POTS

ME/CFS

Stroke & Heart attack

Alzheimer's

Dementia

"Brain Fog"; Memory & Concentration Problems

The list goes on, and these are only what we know of. Covid may not be the only airborne disease, but it definitely is a dangerous one with serious, long-term negative effects.

6. "Do you feel that we should all be masking all the time, whether or not covid-19 exists?"

In regards to masking with the existence of covid:

Yes. Masking is a vital method in the prevention of catching & spreading covid-19, because it is primarily spread through the air.

In regards to masking without the existence of covid:

See my answer for number 3, and also: given the fact wearing a mask can only do more good than harm for most folks, I don't see why not. Imagine a world where we don't have to worry about flu season or allergy season anymore because those aerosols are filtered out from consistent mask wearing. Sounds like the dream to me lol.

-

I hope this made sense! If anyone has anything they'd like to add to answer anon's questions, please feel free to share!

Thank you for reading 😷

[1mnobodywhoareyou]

utterly infatuated

willex | G | 3200 words

on ao3

Happy belated secret raccoon gift exchange, @floating-in-the-blue! You give me a theme, I'm gonna run with it 😉 Enjoy the raccoons x willex x jatp chaos

🦝🦝🦝

Alex manages to survive their entry to the park. He's still frankly a bit annoyed about being dragged here at all but they're his friends and he's only so strong against the trio's puppy dog eyes and well, here he is.

They'd originally tried to sell it all as a gift for him but it didn't take long for the truth came out: apparently there were these little baby raccoons without a proper raccoon mama and this wildlife conservation organization or park or whatever had sold off the ability to name them. Four of them. Conveniently. And well, his band mates and best friends apparently couldn't resist. And of course, they wouldn't accept him just throwing a name out for them to use.

"You can't just name something without meeting it, Alex!"

So, Alex has now stepped foot inside a wildlife park. They'd also booked some sort of tour, because apparently it's not just open to the public full-time, which Alex finds interesting. Or the tour was included with the naming thing, he's not really sure. But he's being led around to look at various animals in all sorts of enclosures. Julie, Reggie, and Luke are cooing over nearly every single one; recounting things they'd seen and learned on their previous visits. Alex swears he's listening, or at least trying to, but he just really, really doesn't want to be here.

"C'mon Alex, what's your favourite animal so far?" Reggie asks, employing that infuriating pleading puppy dog face of his.

"You can't hate all of them!" Luke adds.

It's not that he hates them. He just hates that they live here. And not, y'know, where they're meant to. Before he even has a chance to say as such, Julie chimes in, repeating his thoughts almost verbatim. Which would probably be weird, if it wasn't Julie.

He groans as he tries to think through the different creatures they've seen so far: some predatory birds, some cats, a bunch of monkeys that are most definitely not native to California, reptiles…

"That big colourful snake was kind of cool," he finally answers.

"Snakes are not cute, Alex," Julie says, wrinkling her nose. "What about the pretty cats? Or…" She stops to think. She snaps her fingers excitedly. "The foxes! Aren't they cute?"

Alex shrugs. "Yeah, they're fine, I guess."

"Fine," Julie scoffs. "They're the stinking cutest!"

"Julie!" He knows his voice sounds more exasperated than he means for it to. But… He softens his tone to one of resignation, "It's fine. They're fine. It's all fine! You know this isn't my thing."

Which, if he's being completely honest, is part of the problem. Arguably the biggest part of the problem. They know him. Or, well, they're supposed to. So forgive him if he's a bit bitter about being forced into this.

Reggie pats him on the shoulder. Alex doesn't brush him off, only because he already feels like too much of a downer and really doesn't want to make it worse. "We know, buddy. Thanks for coming anyway," Reggie says, bordering that line between understanding and condescension.

Alex sighs. "Yeah. What's next?"

Julie's face breaks into a grin that spreads from ear to ear. She tents her fingers and taps them against each other excitedly. "Our babies! We get to meet our babies!"

Alex huffs out a breath. "Jules, they're not—"

He's promptly interrupted by Luke's elbow in his ribs. "Do not ruin this for her," Luke hisses. "Let her have her babies!"

Alex puts his hands up defensively. "Okay, okay! Let's go see the rabies babies."

"Actually," a voice from behind him interjects, "we vaccinate all our rescues. Especially for rabies! They're perfectly safe. No rabies in these babies!"

Alex turns to face the owner of the voice and his jaw drops. Beautiful fucking human alert.

The stranger grins at Alex as he walks past, moving closer to the enclosure. "You here for the baby raccoons?"

Alex nods. He feels like his voice is stuck in his throat. He watches as the very hot stranger unlocks and opens a door to the connected building.

"I'm Willie, resident raccoon expert." He grins in a way that almost matches Luke and Reggie's when they're up to something. It's unnerving but captivating all at the same time. "C'mon in!"

Alex's friends rush past him to follow Willie into the building. Luke nudges him on his way past, nodding him forward and finally dislodging his feet from the ground. He follows them in.

"Close the door behind you!" Willie calls. Alex obliges, double checking to make sure it's properly latched behind him.

They follow Willie through a narrow corridor and into the back of the raccoon enclosure.

"Oh my goooooooooood," Julie squeals. "They're so cuuuuuute! We get to hold them?" She asks the question like they didn't intentionally book this encounter to hold and feed the raccoon babies. Like she can't believe that this is something she gets to do.

Alex has to admit they are cute. The way they trail after one another as they walk toward Willie is adorable. But then Willie's pulling his hair into a pile in his head and wrapping an elastic band around it and Alex is pretty sure he can't breathe.

Alex feels something on his back. He looks down at Luke who has an absolutely insufferable smirk on his face. And then suddenly there's a fuzzy baby raccoon in one hand and a bottle in the other and Alex's heart melts.

Willie guides him through offering the bottle to the kit, his hands cradling Alex's own. Alex laughs as the little raccoon greedily laps at the nipple before finally actually suckling on it properly to get the milk. He looks around the room at his friends, all holding their own little raccoons. They all look utterly besotted and he's suddenly very, very grateful that he let them all drag him here.

"Would you like to know more about them?" the keeper asks. Alex lets his gaze return to the person standing in front of him and watching him all too earnestly.

"Oh, Alex doesn't really—" Reggie starts to say but Alex interrupts him.

"No, I want to know. Please tell me." He pretends he doesn't notice the way his friends all exchange knowing looks.

Willie beams at him and launches into a mini monologue about the baby raccoons and the rescue's experience with them. Alex finds himself genuinely interested as Willie talks and starts asking some questions of his own. Like what happens to them when they grow up and doesn't hand feeding them make it hard for them to be released and how do they know when an animal has to stay at the center or not.

Alex is utterly captivated by how much he seems to care about not only these kits (apparently baby raccoons are called kits) but all the animals he works with.

"How haven't you named them already?" Julie interjects. Alex had forgotten all about the naming part of today's outing and finds himself wondering the same thing. Would you just call them kit one, kit two, kit three?

Willie lowers his voice conspiratorially, "Can I let you in on a secret?"

Alex and Julie both nod.

"I've definitely named them. But I'm sure I could manage coming around to new ones." He looks around at the group. Alex tells himself he just imagined his gaze lingering on him as he finishes speaking, "Especially if they're great choices! Otherwise, the names will just be for their display plaque and the website." He shrugs. "It's not like I talk to them with an audience or anything." This time Alex swears he winks. "Most of the time."

"How do you tell them apart?" Alex can't help but ask. To him they're all just fuzzy bundles of grey and brown and black.

He's treated to another rambling explanation of the differences between the kits, both behaviourally and visually, including the names that he had already bestowed upon the baby raccoons.

Unfortunately, Alex doesn't really understand any of the references used for the naming scheme but he thinks it's sweet how much thought clearly goes into their care.

"So what happens next?" Alex can't help but ask. "You get all attached to them, help them grow up to be good little raccoon citizens, then have to just say goodbye to them all? Hope they survive out there without you?"

That draws a sad smile out of him. "Yep!"

"Isn't it hard?"

He shrugs. "Sometimes. It can be. But this is the gig, you know? Success is letting them go live their natural little lives how they were meant to."

Julie pulls her kit closer to her chest and rocks in place. "I don't think I could do it."

Willie lets out a soft chuckle. "This work isn't for everyone! And I, for one, think that's okay. I probably couldn't do whatever it is y'all do."

Luke perks up, like he was summoned directly, as he does anytime he gets a chance to talk about music. Or the band. "Oh, we're a rock band: Julie and the Phantoms!"

"Tell your friends!" Reggie chimes in from across the room, perfectly on cue.

Alex smiles softly and shakes his head with amusement. He wasn't even sure they were listening, considering they've been so completely absorbed in their own little raccoons.

"See? I couldn't do that! We're all built for different things, y'know?"

Alex nods. He feels the same way, even within their band. He could never do what Luke and Julie and Reggie do. He feels perfectly at ease behind his drum kit. He doesn't have to be in the spotlight or be responsible for amping up or entertaining the crowd. He can just lose himself in the music.

"So? What are y'all thinking you'll name them, then?"

The joy in Julie's face diminishes slightly. "I feel bad taking away your names."

"No, no, no! Don't! It's okay! I love seeing someone else love these babies like I do!" Willie beams at her. Alex absolutely does not feel his knees weaken. "And the money goes into their care! I love this kind of thing. We do it often when we rescue a litter or have an animal in our care have babies!"

She brightens up immediately. "Okay!"

"Did you already have thoughts?"

"Well… probably something music themed? Because of the band? But we didn't want to think too hard about it until we met them. And obviously we needed Alex to get it." She leans toward Willie and whispers exaggeratedly, her hand blocking the wrong side of her face, "this isn't really his thing."

Willie nods along like he understands entirely what she's saying.

"But now that we're here, we really have no idea," Reggie adds. "Naming things is so much harder than it seems!"

Luke nods his agreement vigorously. Alex looks down at the little kit in his arms, now scrambling to be put down. He obliges and his friends follow suit, though with much more resistance.

They watch the kits come together, sniffing one another to ensure that they do actually already know each other. They're so much calmer than Alex would have expected them to be, though he supposes a full tummy will do that to about anyone.

"I could name mine after a famous drummer. Something like Ring—"

He doesn't even get the full name out before Luke's interrupting him. "We are not naming them after the Beatles, Alex."

Alex has no idea what Luke has against the Beatles, but fine. He's not going to argue and this is more important to them than him. But he tries again anyway, "Neil? But it feels weird to name animals people names, doesn't it?"

"We're gonna name them all boy names?" Julie asks with an incredulous look. "Can't think of any great female drummers, Alex?" she teases.

He gapes at her.

"What about—" Reggie starts to say before he's also promptly interrupted.

"No country, Reg!"

Reggie narrows his eyes at Luke but doesn't say anything.

"We could always just name them after us," Julie suggests softly, almost hesitantly, like she's not quite sold on the idea but she doesn't really have any other ones.

Luke looks at her. He opens his mouth and then closes it again.

Julie sighs. "Just say it."

"Isn't that a bit… pretentious? Is that really the image we want to project?"

"Well, where are your bright ideas then, Luke?" Alex says, frustrating clear in his voice. This always happens: the person shutting down everyone else's ideas can never seem to have any of their own.

Reggie lowers himself to the floor. He holds his hand out toward the raccoons, hoping to entice one toward him.

Julie coos when he's successful and sits cross legged beside him. Alex watches as the kits crawl all over his friends, who are absolutely delighted to be involved with playtime.

Seeing her engage with the kits triggers a little thought in his mind but he tries to brush it aside. Surely a raccoon baby isn't enough to be able to honour her. Most people would see that as an insult, right? To have an animal named after them?

But Julie's been clear she doesn't want kids of her own, which means no real ability to pass on the name, unless Carlos does, and she does seem to absolutely love these babies.

Alex crouches down to be closer to all of them. He holds his hand out and the kit that had been hanging out with Julie ambles toward him. He scoops it up and stands back up.

The name comes out of his mouth entirely by accident as he cradles it against his chest. "Rosie," he utters softly.

He feels three sets of eyes on him immediately. His mouth snaps closed. He looks between them, eyes wide. His gaze lands on Julie and lingers there as he tries to find his words.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean…" He takes a deep breath. "Clearly your mom is deserving of a better honour than being a raccoon's namesake. It just slipped out! We absolutely do not need to name these raccoons after her." He tears his gaze away from Julie, looking around the room blindly until he settles on the kit in his arms. "I'm really sorry."

Julie gets up off the floor and comes over to stand next to Alex. She puts her hand on his back. "Don't be sorry. I love it! I think she'd be honoured. Rosie suits this little one perfectly!" She reaches down to rub the kit with a finger. "But what would we name the rest of them?"

There's silence as the four of them wrack their brains for ideas.

"Her band mates?" Luke tentatively suggests.

Julie's nose wrinkles. "I don't think I really know any of them like that. It would be weird, right?"

"Do they even really need to be named on a theme?" Alex wonders aloud. He knows the answer before any of them have even registered his words. He sighs and corrects himself. "Of course they do. Forgive me."

"What if," Reggie says after a moment of contemplative silence, "what if we just used the names of some really cool flowers? Like Rose can be the obvious one, but we could do Dahlia…"

"Her favourite," Julie interrupts, beaming at him.

Reggie smiles at her and continues, "Or like, Daisy or Poppy or Lily or…"

"The raccoons aren't all girls are they?"

"Does it even matter? Are you saying a boy raccoon can't be named after a flower?"

Alex wrinkles his nose. "I mean, no? But does it have to be those flowers?"

Julie grins at him. "You're suddenly very invested in the naming of the babies you didn't even want to meet half an hour ago."

Alex steals a glance toward Willie. He's barely trying to hide his amusement.

Alex huffs out a breath. "I'm doing this for you."

"Sure, sure," Julie teases. "We can see through your tough guy act. You're utterly infatuated."

Alex can't help the way his gaze flits over to Willie again. This time, he's trying to pretend that he's ignoring them, fiddling around with raccoon toys and care tools.

"With the raccoons, obviously," she adds conspiratorially as she leans toward him.

"Obviously," he murmurs.

He sets Rosie back down and they watch the raccoons climb all over each other some more.

"This is too much pressure," Luke says suddenly. "How do people name children?"

Nobody speaks while they let Luke's words settle. It's true. Which is probably why so many animal litters wind up with silly themed names and cities all over the world hold naming competitions for their machinery and actual human children wind up with… well, Alex isn't following that line of thought right now.

Luckily, Willie speaks up from the other side of the room and forces Alex to stop thinking about it. "You know you guys don't need to decide names today, right? Like, yeah, we need them eventually but you can take a bit of time."

Julie opens her mouth and Willie promptly interrupts her with a gentle and understanding smile. "No, you can't come visit them every day until you've named them. But you could take some pictures or videos if you wanted?"

The speed at which Julie's expression shifts from relieved to defeated and disappointed to ecstatic sends his mind reeling. She immediately digs out her phone and starts recording them, describing the different kits and narrating along to their activities. Luke and Reggie get in on it as soon as they register what's happening. Alex is surprised that the chaos of it all isn't overwhelming. It's almost like the room is meant to hold it.

Alex shakes his head as he watches them. He's glad they're too absorbed with the baby animals to notice the fond smile on his face.

Unfortunately, as Alex learns when he shifts his gaze back up and to the man on the other side of the room, Willie is not.

Willie smiles at him. Alex feels his face go hot but can't tear his eyes away. He offers a small, albeit embarrassed, smile in return. They stand frozen in that small moment of time, just smiling at each other, before redirecting their attention to the chaos in front of them.

He's suddenly thrust back to his memories of the day, the knowing looks his friends shared and the ways that they teased him. There's no way they set all of this up just to get him and Willie to cross paths, right? That's not something they would do?

Who is he kidding? That's exactly the kind of thing that they would do. He'd probably be more annoyed about it if Willie wasn't quite so captivating. Like sure, he's beautiful. But he also loves these animals and is just so… well, the kind of something that somehow has Alex ending the day with an annual pass to the park. An annual pass that happens to have a phone number scrawled across the back of it.

Alex chooses to ignore the all-too-pleased and knowing grins plastered across his friends' faces as they leave.

[crushedgraham]

A fic with Mercy x fem!Reader where reader is afraid of needles and only agrees to let Angela give her the shot she needs to get instead of her actual doctor? 🤍

You're My Silver Lining

sorry for the really inconsistent updating! im slowly getting through requests but work and school have been taking up most of my time 😞 enjoy :3

Training season and new recruits were right around the corner which was unfortunately your least favorite time of the year. Everything was too hot and busy but above all; you had to get your shots.

Vaccines were a top priority during these times to ward off flu's and sicknesses from the close proximities of trainees working with one another. They were the bane of your existence.

The entire process made you feel sicker than a flu would - everything from the smell of the sanitary products to the gleaming needle. Angela was the only silver lining in these situations. Before you had gotten together, you would always see your appointments as opportunities to get close to the doctor (cough only scheduling when she was free cough cough).

But lately the newer recruits have been getting a little too desperate for her attention, she was completely booked which meant you would have to get through the shots without her support - you were fucked.

Your hands fidgeted, clammy fingertips picking at the paper sheet on the medical bed. The unfamiliar environment made things worse. Once your bond with Angela grew, she started doing your shots in her office because it was a lot cozier. Now you were stuck in the fluorescent lit white room that reeked of chemicals.

The sudden knock on the door makes you jump, your heart skipping a beat as it slowly opens to reveal a younger woman in a long doctors coat.

"Hello Agent L/N, I'll be your doctor for today"

You don't meet her eyes instead focusing on her creased white sneakers. The sound of the doctor's palms rubbing hand sanitizer into the skin and the snap from her latex gloves twists your stomach in knots.

"We're just going to be doing two shots, a general vaccine and the seasonal flu vaccine."

The needle between her fingers approaches you sending ice throughout your veins. Suddenly you're panicking because who was this stranger that's trying to give you a shot? That's a task that only Angela was allowed to do. Then before you know it, you're arm is dodging the needle, twisting your body away from the doctor.

"Angela."

"Excuse me...?"

"I need Angela. Dr. Ziegler."

The doctor gives you a strange look, almost judgmental.

"Dr. Ziegler's unavailable at the moment"

"Please, just tell her my name and that it's an emergency"

The woman huffs and sets the needle back down on the sterilized tray. She throws her gloves into the trashcan and you watch her back as she leaves the room. A wave of relief washes over you and you drum your fingers lightly against the thin bed to pass the time.

When the door flings open and you see Angela with a worried expression your heart skips a beat again but this time it's from love not fear.

"Liebling? What's wrong? Dr. Choi told me there was an emergency. Are you hurt??"

She pushes herself in between your thighs, her hands run across your body to check for any injuries that might've been the cause of your outburst. Blue eyes, gleaming behind her glasses, scan your own worriedly.

"...I guess I got so used to you being there to comfort me that I forgot how scary shots normally are."

Angela gives you a look of disbelief and puts her face in her hands with a small laugh of relief. Then she meets your eyes once more with a more serious look. She pinches at your cheeks with furrowed eyebrows.

"Du hast mich erschreckt! I thought you were hurt!"

You whine and push at her hands in pain.

"I am hurt! Emotionally"

She lets out a chuckle while shaking her head. You watch as she goes through the same process of sanitizing her hands then putting gloves on.

"Righttt"

Angela picks up a new needle and stabs it into a small glass jar, filling it with the vaccine. She approaches you, sparing you a knowing look as you cower away when she places her left hand on your arm.

"Take deep breaths for me Liebling"

Your heart rate kicks up but you close your eyes and follow her instructions. Her hand moves up to caress your face when suddenly a mix of sensations flood your body. Though the sting from the shot doesn't compare to the soft kiss she quickly placed on your lips at the same time.

The doctor discards of the empty needle and returns back between your thighs. You throw your arms around her waist while burying your head into the collar of her coat.

"That was mean!"

Angela laughs while placing her own arms around your neck, mindlessly playing with the ends of your hair.

"But it was a good distraction, no?"

You don't respond because you both know she's right so you just stay there, content to lay in her arms.

"Liebling? We still have another shot to do"

"Ugh no!"

------------------------------------------------------------

Liebling - Darling

Du hast mich erschreckt - You scared me

[vibratingskull]

Fake dating part 2

Part 1

Tag list

I took @al-astakbar​‘s idea and run with it.

Resume : Alone on an strange planet with a little chiss girl you walk desesperatly trying to reach coordinates given by a beacon. Here you are saved by Grand Admiral Thrawn’s crew and he proposes you an incongruous solution to your problem...

You silently follow the Grand Admiral through the numerous corridors of his ship, it’s enough for you to lose your way you worry. There are so many paths and doors, it hurts your brain. You do your best to follow his long strides on the cold metal floor without shoes. You cross paths with some officers, they all stop on their track to salute their superior and then you feel their curious gaze on you, wondering who you might be and why you’re here, you quickly avert their gaze and lower your head in their presence, careful not to anger anyone. Apparently they are not used to seeing their Grand Admiral followed by someone with a slave collar, that thought is somewhat reassuring. You look at the back of the head of the man holding your life in his hands, detailing his height and imposing measurements. The tight fabric of his uniform does not hide his muscles and Makers know you want nothing to do with them. Those are his assets to kill… You shudder at this thought.

“Here we are.” He softly announces.

He engages himself in a corridor with a large bay window giving on to an operation room, and on the table is…

“Moarorou!” You shout, pressing yourself against the window.

“She is in good hands.” He simply says “I trust them to save her.”

Asleep and perfused, the little girl seems at peace while the droids operate her. You wish you could hold her hand.

“I want to be with her.” You ask, turning towards him.

“Out of the question, it is a sterilized room.” He flat out refuses, “You will see her once they are done.”

You lower your gaze and turn back to the little girl. Poor sweetheart… You feel a burning gaze on you and you don’t dare meet it.

“We should head towards the second room, you need treatment too.” 

You do? You’re so used to being beaten and bruised by now… But it is true, you have scars all over your arms and legs and a burnt wound on your flank.

You obediently follow him to a room where a droid greets you and guides you to an infirmary bed. As the Grand Admiral leaves to give you some intimacy, it proceeds to do a complete check up, from weighing you to blood test and mandatory vaccines after dressing your wounds. You mechanically obey the machine, too used to receiving orders, it would have asked you to shake hands like a dog you would have without asking any questions, this is how deep it is ingrained in you…

“Here.” says Grand Admiral Thrawn right behind you.

You jump out of your skin. When did he come back?

He hands you a pair of boots exactly your size. You take them, unsure. You didn’t have the right to own shoes as a slave, you forgot how it feels. You pass them on after thanking him. It feels like a second skin. Strangely you feel more confident with them. You thank him again.

“Do not mention it, I cannot have anyone walking bare feet in my ISD. Now, do not move.” He slides behind you and you feel him manipulating your shock collar.

He must check your number to verify their registers. You refrain from sighing, an imperial remains an imperial, whatever happens.

You hear a click.

And your collar falls on your lap. You look at it, dumbfounded.

“Sir?”

You thought he would have waited for your response and sold you back on the black market if you refused his offer…

“You thought I would not get rid of it?” he asks, seeing your confused expression.

“Well… no, not before I gave you my answer at least…” you explain.

“You brought me back a valuable person. Consider it the payment of my debt to you.” 

You massage your throat, touching it for the first time in years.

“You… you have the right to free someone?” you ask with a small voice.

“I am a Grand Admiral, little is forbidden to me.”

You accept his answer as a fact and don’t press the matter. You mask it but hope is flourishing in your stomach, after so many years… finally!

Karyn Faro enters the infirmary, saluting the Grand Admiral.

“Sir! You asked for me.” She asks in a strong and clear voice.

“Yes, I want you to guide our guest to her new quarters, I will go back to the bridge.” He orders

She nods and signifies to follow her and quicker than that. You hop on your feet and follow her in another maze of corridors, but you start to recognize the patterns, you’re less lost this time.

“There it is.” She opens a large door with a card that she hands you “Do not loose it.”

You enter the room, or rather the suite and stop, turning back to her.

“Are you sure this is the good room?” You wonder.

“Yes. Is there a problem?” 

Well it's… Big. You’re standing in a small living room with sofa and kitchenette, giving on a large bedroom and a privatized bathroom. You’re more used to the cell shared with several other slaves.

“No, it’s… it’s perfect. Thank you.” You bow to her.

She simply nods and goes back to her duty.

You walk into the living room, timidly, afraid to take too much space, to make too much noise, even though you’re alone. You find a remote on a table and press the buttons, curious. A part of the wall opens for a TV screen to appear, you press another one and music starts. Another one pushes a bar off the wall. Okay that’s too much. You tidy, close back the walls and cut the music, put the remote where you found it, like you never touch it and go see the bedroom. It is a large room with a double bed, a wardrobe, a big mirror and a bay window giving on space. The wardrobe is full you notice, with a safe hidden as a drawer. The bathroom is white and clean, with a bath and clean towels, you touch them, they are soft and fluffy. everything for maintaining basic hygiene is here. You can’t resist the urge to brush your teeth when you see the new toothbrush waiting for you. It feels so good and fresh! What a delicious sensation! 

Returning to the bedroom you notice a datapad on the bedside table. You take it and turn it on. You’re curious of that Grand Admiral Thrawn. You search the holonet about him, finding different biographies and videos of him at different ceremonies. An article of the Universal Encyclopedy informs you of his greatest victories and gives you a resume of his life, or at least his life since he appeared in the Empire. What you suspected was right, him and Moarorou aren’t from the Empire, but are from the Unknown Region. He accepted to answer interviews of journalists of the regime but consistently refused to answer anything about his life previous to the Empire. So you got an incomplete portrayal of the man. 

You don’t know much about military things, but his record seems impressive, victory after victory, promotion after promotion, from one medal to the other he seems to supplant any adversaries. Except on the political field. It appears each and everyone of his victories came with a political scandal. 

But he manages to get out of it everytime.

You reopen your eyes when you hear knocks on the door. You must have drifted to sleep without realizing it. You open the door to Faro, awaiting for you.

“The Grand Admiral awaits you for dinner.” She indicates with her strong voice.

You must have slept more than first anticipated, dinner already?

You nods hurriedly and close the door behind you. She looks at you up and down, clearly judging you but says nothing.

“This way, please.”

You walk in silence behind her but curiosity devours you.

“Is it in your prerogatives to take care of priso… of guests?” you dare ask.

“No.” That is all she answers.

“Oh… Then why you-”

“He orders and I obey, simple as that.” And like that, the conversation ends.

You don’t dare raise your voice anymore, and she’s not one to do small talk.

You reach a door with stormtroopers guarding it, she gives one of her cylinders-thing and they step to the side.

“Here.” She says, and left you here, alone with the guards.

The door open and you enter a large suite, rich with decors. The Grand Admiral is standing, hand clasped behind his back, observing something.

You don’t say a word, to not disturb him, fidgeting your fingers.

“Come closer.” He simply says, without even turning towards you.

You approach. He seems enthralled by some vase on a stand.

“What do you see?” he inquires

What? Is he asking you your opinion on how he decorates his chambers?

“A vase.” you answer neutrality.

Never give your opinion.

“And?”

You approach again, observing it more intently. It’s a terracotta of three complimentary colors, surely a wine carafe. It has fine details and some speck of gold sprinkled in the clay.

“Huh… Looks like a hutt jug.” You notice.

He slowly nod.

“Indeed. Can you see anything else?”

“That’s the kind of jug we find in their northern worlds, the south would have used metal. But outside of that…” You shrug, unknowingly.

“That is well.” He murmures. “Dinner is ready.” and he heads to the dressed table. 

He pulls a chair and gallantly invites you to take it, as you approach he looks you up and down. 

"You did not change clothes ?" He asks, puzzled. 

You could ? You do not touch what your masters don't need. 

"I thought the order was to come immediately." You explain 

"You could have taken the time to put on more comfortable clothes than this hospital pajamas. I would not have held it against you, you are my guest." 

Yes, you heard that. 

You sit down and he pushes your chair forward, like he would have done to a high Lady. The table smells deliciously good, making your mouth water with different types of salads and vegetables, a main course with fuming meat, rice and lentils and a bottle of wine. He opens it and serves you first, then himself. 

"Because I brought you someone important ?" You ask as he sits down. 

"Yes."

"And if I did not ?" 

"What do you mean ?" He inquires, cutting his meat.

"If you only found me, a slave alone in the forest, would I still be your guest ?" 

He looks into your eyes with a stern expression 

"Does it matter ?" 

"Yes." You try to control the shivers in your voice "It matters to me."

He doesn't respond, letting silence take place. 

"No. Probably not."

You sigh internally. You knew it. Under his gallant behavior and nice dispositions, he remains an Imperial. A slave trader. 

"Those hypotheses do not matter." He says camly, taking a bite of his dish "The fact is you came together, and you took care of her. I cannot let this good deed go unreward-"

Your stomach growls suddenly, a deep hollow sound. Deeply embarrassing. You flush immediately. 

"Why do you not eat ? Is it not to your taste ?" 

"No !" You hurriedly says "I just… Waited for your permission to eat" You confess

He raises an eyebrow. 

"This is an order you had to obey ?" 

You nod. 

"Those times are behind you." He designates the table filled to the brim, encouraging you.

You slowly serve yourself, a little of each, not too much and start eating delicately using table manners you've seen your masters use. 

He looks at you intently, like he would observe an animal behind bars. 

Your stomach growls again but you don't press yourself. 

"There is nobody to impress here, eat as you please." He says casually.

You look at him to see if he's serious. 

Then you dive on the meat, with your hands you bite into it hungrily, tearing it apart, getting back from years of malnutrition. 

Maker this is so good ! It has been years since you had meat. You gulp it down feverishly, licking the sauce off your fingers, growling with satisfaction. 

He looks at you, caressing his chin. 

You stop. 

"Too much ?" You ask embarrassed, sauce dripping from your chin

 "Everything is well." He shakes his head. "Like I said, those times are behind you. Let's focus on the future."

You listen, munching down your meat with lentils. 

"About this offer I made, you might want to know what it entails." 

You nod, mouth full. 

"You would hold the role of the wife of a Grand Admiral, it comes with some… Obligations. You will need to escort me to galas, ceremonies, spending time with high ranked rich people and pretend you are from the same world. Adopt their codes and customs, abide by their rules. Everywhere you will go you will represent me and all I stand for, your failures will be mine. We will make you a proper high standing lady and need to get your education right as Moarorou's, we will train her and care for her like true parents. There will be a lot of stress and pressure."

"Until we sent her back ?" 

"Indeed." He nods

"And after ?" 

"After you will be free, you could live your life as you want." 

"And if I refuse ?" 

"Then we will disembark you from the ship on a nearby planet with some money and your new life will start that day." 

You slowly nod, wiping your mouth with a napkin. 

"And Moarorou ?" 

"She will need to remain hidden on the Chimaera, alone in a cabin with only droids or complete strangers she can't communicate with to care for her. It would be an oppressive and uncaring environment for a child her age. If you accept, she will get to have two parental figures and a proper education you would take part into, you could use my apartment on Coruscant and offer her, and yourself a better lifestyle."

"For a time…"

"For a time" He concedes

"Why not simply send her to Coruscant ?" 

"I cannot send her alone in this black vipers nest."

"Why? You speak of her so highly, is she some kind of Royalty in your world ?" 

He smiles enigmatically 

"She is so much more valuable than Royalty."

It doesn't advance you. He rises from his seat. 

"Sleep, and tell me your answer tomorrow. The choice is yours."

You follow him to the door, hiding a burp behind your hand. You eat too much. 

"You said I could see her!" if he thought you would forget that…

"Once she wakes up from the operation, you will be free to see her."

He politely escorts you back to your room. You don’t say a thing but you you’re tremendously disappointed, you hoped to Moarorou right after dinner.

“Is there something wrong?” He suddenly asks, stopping in his track.

“No… No.” you lie. 

You castigate yourself. ‘Hide what you think, hide what you feel. Do not let them see.’

He shrugs and continues.

"I wish you good night." He greets you and disappears. 

You spend the night tossing and turning in those fresh clean sheets. Questions assault your mind, and memory of the crash alike. 

What to do ? What to do ? 

Remaining with him could give you protection against your masters, but remaining with an Imperial ? 

Could you do it? Close your eyes on all the atrocities he will commit ? 

But you can't leave Moarorou alone with him. She trusts you. You can't abandon her… 

You sigh. 

In the morning you pass on decent attire. You wince, there are only dresses. You take the most concealing one and walk directly to the Grand Admiral's office. It seems like he's at work for several hours already. 

You inhale deeply, gathering your courage.

"I accept" 

@thrawnspetgoose

[phoenixyfriend]

How many COVID Vaccines have you had?

* religious exemption goes under "do not believe in"

Single-shot complete vaccination goes under "Completely vaccinated," just to be clear.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

David Rowe

* * * *

The power of not giving up!

November 15, 2024

Robert B. Hubbell

After the preposterous nominations of Matt Gaetz, Tulsi Gabbard, and Pete Hegseth1 on Wednesday, my inbox and the Comment section experienced a spike in reader comments that were a variation of, “This is too much! I give up. Democracy is done for!”

Those reactions are completely understandable. Trump has managed to exceed our worst fears for his cabinet picks. He did so again on Thursday by nominating Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to lead Health & Human Services. Just weeks ago, RFK Jr. was too nutty and toxic for the Trump campaign, which had begun to distance itself from Kennedy, who believes that all vaccines are harmful, antidepressants are responsible for mass shootings, and COVID was engineered to target Caucasians and Blacks while sparing Ashkenazi Jews.

I get it. At this moment, it is easy to feel hopeless and powerless. That is the point of mind-numbing nominations that seek to place federal agencies under the control of unqualified hacks intent on destroying the agencies they will lead. The strongest defense against a psychological terror campaign designed to instill dread and provoke despair is to refuse to give up!

It is not a given that Trump's ludicrous nominees will be confirmed. Nor should we assume that they will be able to do their worst in agencies staffed with hundreds of thousands of qualified, dedicated public servants.

I am not saying that things won’t get bad. They will. I am saying that they will get worse if we give up merely because of threats and bluster by a man schooled in the dark arts of the long con and the Big Lie.

My favorite political writer, Josh Marshall of Talking Points Memo, wrote about the dangers of giving up in advance. See The Most Pernicious Anticipatory Obedience Hides in Plain Sight, Talking Points Memo. (Although the discussion takes place in Josh’s paying members-only newsletter, this article should be accessible to all. My subscription to Talking Points Memo is the best investment I make.)

Marshall writes in part,

You may think there’s some kind of psychic or moral merit in jumping into every conversation and saying “No, it’s over! He said he was going to be a dictator! He said who he was! Believe him! Don’t be so naive!” But really that’s just rolling out a red carpet, the ultimate capitulation in advance. At the very least, put him to the task. Make him execute on what he’s trying to do. It won’t be easy and there are a lot of ways to make it even less easy. That’s the first role of a political opposition. [¶¶] [Giving up is] the most pernicious form of anticipatory obedience. Deciding that all of this stuff has already happened is not only inaccurate but self-defeating. It’s amplifying threats Trump hasn’t been able or willing to make good on. A better answer, both more effective and more dignified, is to say, “Okay, let’s see you try.” It’s not easy. There are lots of road blocks. It requires maintaining a lot of public support. It requires patience.

In citing Marshall’s essay, I do not mean to criticize anyone who wrote to me in exhaustion and fear today to say, “It’s too much. I give up. All is lost.” If that is how you feel, those feelings are understandable and firmly rooted in reality.

But as I responded to some readers today, “You don’t mean that. It is exhaustion and despair talking. You aren’t giving up. You and I both know that.”

There is power in the simple act of not giving up. Even if there is little that we can do in the moment to stop the ludicrous nominations and threats.

Do not give up. If the only thing you can muster is the will not to give up, that is enough—for now.

But we can do more than not giving up. We can engage in small acts of daily resistance. Make a phone call. Write a letter. Send a text or email. For those of you already involved in the grassroots movement, you know the drill.

If you are just joining the fight, there is no better place than Jessica Craven’s Chop Wood, Carry Water newsletter on Substack. Jessica’s daily column includes small acts that you can take to make your voice heard.

On Thursday, Jessica Craven’s newsletter included a script and directions for calling your representatives in Congress, urging them to reject the nomination of Matt Gaetz. Check it out!

Take a small action and feel the power of refusing to give up!

Recess appointments

As Trump's nominations become ever more ludicrous, the reason for his demand for recess appointments becomes clearer: Many of his nominees will never make it through the confirmation process. See Salon, "Totally unqualified": Congress reacts to RFK Jr. nomination.

When Trump first floated the idea of recess appointments, I assumed it was bluster. I now believe he is deadly serious. Senator John Thune, the new Majority Leader in the Senate, says that recess appointments are “still an option.”

The issue of recess appointments is complicated and nuanced. Previous presidents have made recess appointments, although the trend over the last two decades has been to block all recess appointments. See generally, Vox, Trump’s demand for recess appointments, explained.

But here is the constitutional takeaway about recess appointments: The rule is that nominations are confirmed by the Senate and recess appointments are the rare exception. Trump seeks to make the exception (recess appointments) the rule.

Whatever the history and nuances of recess appointments, no president has ever demanded that Congress go into recess for the purpose of circumventing the Senate’s obligation to provide “advice and consent” regarding presidential nominations. See Can  the  President  Adjourn  Congress? - ConstitutionNEXT.

Trump's demand that the Senate abdicate its constitutional duty is the first step in abolishing the constitutional system of checks and balances. If Republicans agree to surrender the constitutional oversight role of Congress, they are co-conspirators in an effort to overthrow the Constitution.

Don’t let anyone tell you that Trump's demand that the Senate go into recess is consistent with historical norms. It is not. Trump's demand is outrageous and should be condemned by every member of Congress and every responsible media outlet in the nation.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is a danger to America’s health

Trump's nomination of RFK Jr. crossed another line of sanity and decency. Kennedy is a dangerous, unserious, deeply flawed choice who will imperil the health of Americans if he is confirmed. See The Guardian, RFK Jr condemned as ‘clear and present danger’ after Trump nomination.

Per The Guardian,

Public Citizen, a progressive nonprofit organization focusing on consumer advocacy, said: “Robert F Kennedy Jr is a clear and present danger to the nation’s health. He shouldn’t be allowed in the building at the department of health and human services (HHS), let alone be placed in charge of the nation’s public health agency.” “Donald Trump’s bungling of public health policy during the Covid pandemic cost hundreds of thousands of lives. By appointing Kennedy as his secretary of HHS, Trump is courting another, policy-driven public health catastrophe,” the organization added. Alastair McAlpine, a pediatric physician at British Columbia’s children’s hospital, wrote: “It is hard to overstate what a terrible decision this is. RFK Jr has no medical training. He is a hardcore anti-vaccine and misinformation peddler. The last time he meddled in a state’s medical affairs (Samoa), 83 children died of measles.”

Despite the danger presented by Kennedy, no congressional Republicans have gone on record criticizing Kennedy. To the contrary, they have described him as “brilliant” and “exciting.” It is despicable that Republicans would play politics with the health of America’s children, elderly, and vulnerable.

Update on Matt Gaetz

Shock over Matt Gaetz’s nomination continues. One reason (among many) are allegations that Gaetz was involved in moving underage girls across state lines for sex. On Thursday, the attorney for one of those underage girls spoke out. See Newsweek, Lawyer for Teenager at Center of Matt Gaetz Investigation Speaks Out.

Per Newsweek, the girl’s lawyer said,

Mr. Gaetz's likely nomination as Attorney General is a perverse development in a truly dark series of events. We would support the House Ethics Committee immediately releasing their report. She was a high school student and there were witnesses.

It is bewildering and maddening that a president-elect who is an adjudicated sexual abuser nominated a man under investigation for transporting underage girls across state lines for sex to be the Attorney General of the United States. Most of the Trump voters who are parents of teenage daughters would not allow their daughters to remain alone in the same room with Trump or Gaetz. And yet, they voted for Trump.

Concluding Thoughts

It has been a tough week. Part of the reason is that we can’t play defense yet. We are simply waiting as Trump makes one outrageous announcement after another. I admit to feeling frustrated. Over the summer, the Biden and Harris campaigns raised the alarm about the anti-democratic, revenge-based agenda planned by Trump. Pundits and scolds warned that “democracy issues” were not resonating with voters and Democrats needed to shift to “kitchen table issues.”

Kamala Harris made a masterful pivot to policies focusing on the middle and working classes. Those campaign themes gained some traction, but not enough. And now we are faced with the anti-democratic, revenge-based agenda that many warned was coming. That agenda is surprising Trump supporters and some Democrats. And it is worse than we imagined.

We can’t change the past, but we can learn from it. There is no such thing as raising the alarm about Trump's dictatorial aspirations too loudly or frequently. We must resist every step of the way.

I have largely abandoned the NYTimes as a source of news. Today, as I was fact-checking this newsletter, I clicked on my icon for the NYT, expecting to see full-throated condemnation of Trump's ridiculous anti-government, anti-science, anti-America nominations. Instead, I saw David Brooks (still) explaining to Democrats how they (allegedly) blew it. At some point, Brooks will have to find something new to write about. I suggest he start with an alleged child sex trafficker heading the DOJ, an anti-science anti-vaxxer heading HHS, a Putin-friendly neophyte heading the DNI, and a white nationalist heading the DOD.

While there is power in not giving up, at some point we need to rouse righteous anger about what is happening to America. It is not right. It is not acceptable. And we should not let it happen on our watch.

[Robert B. Hubbell Newsletter]

[dulcetsss]

from your last post can you elaborate more on what you meant by: “Joshua himself changing a lot since ~2022, and Bayern management sucking all joy out of the world.”

Oh boy, do I have a lot to say about this. TLDR, he has been trying to prove himself his entire life. Media hate + other circumstances (e.g. world cup 2022, Tuchel) have exacerbated this need and led to him being more defensive, more careful with himself, and just cocoon himself away. He went from Bayern's little brother to Bayern's scapegoat to Bayern's jack russell terrier captain. The constant rotation of coaches and pressure on the team didn't really help. I wrote like a whole essay if you want receipts.

Okay, we have to start from the beginning so let's go chronologically. 1. Before Bayern (context): He had to work twice as hard sometimes due to his stature. He was always very vocal, ambitious, "like a coach on the pitch" BUT he was very emotional, passionate, stubborn and took everything really seriously and to heart, even annoyingly so in Leroy's words. Additionally, he had to work twice as hard due to his stature, sometimes called too weak and too small by coaches. He had to build himself up piece by piece. Niklas even said that Joshua was the one he least expected to get so far and so quickly too (x). 2. Early seasons (15/16 to 17/18): When he joined, Joshua was pretty much in awe of everyone around him because he was immediately thrust from 3. and 2. Liga to the biggest club in Bundesliga. He was still really serious about training and everytime he scored, you could see him scream in that familiar way he does <3 He starts becoming more outspoken towards the end, especially with that legendary interview after Madrid beat Bayern in UCL with the dumbass interviewer. But this guy was really THE little brother of Bayern and it was obvious (watch Mats heap praise on him here). He was generally loved by fans and non-fans both.

Friendship is magic era (18/19 - 19/20): Joshua's best friends Serge and Leon join the team! He gains more recognition and develops further as a player, showing more confidence both due to his skills, Bayern's successes, and team environment. The world sees his passion more but respects it, even after losses such as in the world cup.

Covid controversy (2021): Unlike most of the team, Joshua is not vaccinated while COVID is in full swing. He says "he's waiting for long-term studies, he is not a vaccination opponent and isn't saying he won't be vaccinated at all. He just has a few concerns and likely be vaccinated in the future." He gets a fuck ton of hate because it's irresponsible to be unvaccinated as a football player with a global audience and when you likely are in contact with so many other people. I was and still am very critical of him in this situation. Bayern put out no statements and didn't do anything to control any internet hate that went too far. ~ 4 months later, he gets vaccinated and says he regrets not being vaccinated sooner. This is where Bayern and Joshua's relationship fell off in his eyes: “I felt left alone for too long. I’ve been at the club for almost seven years now, and there haven’t been that many scandals surrounding me. That was the first downturn; that’s when I noticed how the club reacted, and I’m disappointed and hurt.” (x) Sidenote, I still think he could've handled the situation better both at the time and when speaking again about it. I think Bayern were right in encouraging him to get vaccinated because it should be a requirement to play football, but they were wrong in not doing anything about the various threats and vitriol thrown his face. Bayern falling off era (22/23 - 23/24): These seasons were obviously not the greatest for Bayern. Joshua started getting lots of hate along with many other Bayern players, the tide had completely turned against him in comparison. Both due to the vaccination controversy and his dip in form. However, while Nagelsmann was there, Joshua still had that assurance that the coach was on his side. Nagelsmann seemed to really trust Joshua and involve him. But this is where we start Joshua become more defensive when it comes to criticism, whatever thick skin he had before is now thin. Joshua also becomes third Captain here and thus, a lot more responsibility is placed on him. Germany also doesn't do the best in the 2022 world cup and Joshua describes it as the "worst day of his career. I'm afraid I'll fall into a hole... Makes you think these failures are connected to my person."

He is grappling to prove himself to the world, thus he gets more defensive, more 'tough' and more isolated. This is exacerbated when Tuchel comes and Joshua loses the one support he felt he had, the coach. Tuchel also disagrees with Joshua on what position he should play and I think they both had way too big egos from their past successes to really have a productive conversation. In general though, in Tuchel's Bayern, tensions in the team are high and it's not just with Joshua. Even Manu said that the atmosphere at the club is not as it used to be.

Also, after his injury and red card with Haaland, Joshua has become a less physical player. It's clear he *needs* to play as much as possible and can't risk it.

He's been told since he was young that he is not good enough, and he's still being told this despite everything. Years and years of this, in my opinion, have caused him to lean into being more 'hardcore' and passionate and he's always been emotional. Basically, everything that Leroy previously called bitching and annoying. I think this might've caused him to drift a bit from the team because let's be honest, he is not as close to many of them as he used to be. At least not in public. It's also understandable, quite a few of the players were also facing a lot of hate during this time. This is all my own interpretation, I don't know any player so please take this all with a grain of salt.

Present day: He's still a chaotic guy, that much could be seen during Euro 2024 with Germany. He seems more reserved with Bayern but obviously, we still see glimpses of him being affectionate and light-hearted. Definitely not as much as we used to, and it's not necessarily an age thing because Thomas and Leon are still just as affectionate in that regard.

The contract negotiations were a mess and it was so unnecessarily dragged out from his side. BUT I think he feels he has to look out for himself because no one else is doing it for him. Bayern has done a lot to try and give him the reassurance he needs, thus I was extra frustrated with him not signing for so long. They even defended him after he and Tuchel's assistant coach fought. Though in his eyes, he was doing what was best for his career and his army of kids. (Definitely left a sour taste in a lot of people's mouths, understandably so). This was a lot of words to say he's less soft, giggly, and smol than he used to be. And that he's kind of cocooned himself up a lot. Emotional people feel better highs and worse lows. I think I just relate to him on that aspect and imprinted on him like a baby duck back in 2016/17. Also, I could be wrong, let me know if you think I didn't understand something correctly! Another one of my anons also just pointed out different priorities in life and they're so right! Being a father versus not definitely puts you in different places.

[clawbehavior]

what are your pregnant gaon & gahan headcanons? embarrassed to ask this questions but I keep on thinking about gahan with a baby sobs 🤧💗

you're like me!!!! i have been thinking of pregnant gaon and parents gahan for months ✨✨ this is our time to shine anon!!! i have spicy and sweet head canons. here they are in no particular order: 

- gaon's snatch is looser after giving birth. yohan loves this because it's directly tied to gaon having yohan's child, just as he loved when gaon was tight because it meant yohan was his first. having a baby makes gaon completely unselfconscious about his body which makes their sex even spicier post kids. 

- some couples find their sex lives dwindling after having kids. gahan makes it work by taking advantage of opportunities. baby asleep after feeding and seven year old doing homework with their headphones in? gahan's all over each other in the bedroom. they're still doing it at least once a day. 

- when their firstborn was a baby, gaon used to hold them out to yohan for kisses but it's a ploy because when yohan leaned in gaon would kiss him instead. things like that which made yohan fall in love with him even more.

- gaon pumps so they can switch off every night on who wakes to feed the baby but it's really every three nights because yohan wants gaon to sleep properly to recover so he sleeps lightly in order to wake first when their baby cries

- yes, yohan does taste gaon's milk. it tastes sugary, like the remaining milk at the bottom of a cereal bowl. it's not often because they need to feed the baby, but sometimes as a lil treat 😋

- one time gaon nestles against yohan while feeding so yohan can watch their bby feed over gaon's shoulder with one arm supporting gaon's holding the baby. gaon's exhausted, so he falls asleep mid feed and yohan holds them both so their baby can finish. 

- the first time their baby had a vaccination, yohan's alpha instincts went into overdrive at his baby's wail, pheromones flooding the room. as soon as his baby was bandaged up, yohan scooped him up and held him against his cheek and murmured soothingly to him that he was okay, that his aboujie had him, that aboujie wasn't going to let anyone touch him until their baby calmed, feeling safe and secure

- yohan takes an almost anthropological fascination when his baby hits the terrible two's stage and their favorite word is 'no!' because even when his toddler is running around in a fit of incandescent rage, they're still soooo cute. he's a big softie. but he learns to reign it in a little so as not to encourage bad behavior or to make gaon the sole disciplinarian. still, things that easily irritate other parents don't bother him. he loves his goofy ass angry ball of adventure 

- their firstborn child is the spitting image of yohan with his father's same protective instincts and shyness. his son owns a comb. many combs in fact but he still lets his hair fall in his eyes. gaon liked to crouch in front of their kid (so tall now!) and comb the hair out of his eyes while teasing him until he broke into a wide grin and nuzzled his face against gaon's. it healed something inside yohan to see it happen  

- their second child, a girl, has yohan wrapped around her tiny finger and not just because she has gaon's straight black hair and saucy temper but because yohan has a soft spot for cute baby girls in cute little outfits and cute little pink dresses and it has never left him

- yohan doesn't understand why his son randomly starts making it a habit to gift yohan marigolds that he picked on his way home from school, but he shrugs and accepts his good fortune then adds them to the vase of fresh flowers gaon leaves on his study table every morning 

- gaon is stunning in any outfit but yohan's favorite is when gaon wears nothing but his wedding ring, lying in their sheets

- when gaon is in charge of the baby while yohan is at an after work event, he dresses them up in yohan's glasses, tie, and button down then face calls yohan and keeps the baby up front so the first thing yohan sees is his kid just swimming in yohan's shirt with yohan's reading glasses slipping down his face and grinning with glee. it makes yohan laugh out loud during a speech and then he has to play it extra cool during the rest of the night to rehabilitate his image 

- people talk about there being a number one and a number two in a marriage but on some things yohan takes the lead and others gaon does and no matter what they feel they always show a united front to the babies and solve their disagreements in private

- yohan would like five kids. gaon tells him in no uncertain terms that two is enough. ofc what happens is he's lax with his birth control and gets pregnant again and yohan tells him he'll support whatever choice gaon makes so gaon decides to go with it. i'll let you decide if it's twins! 

you must be brimming with gahan mpreg ideas, anon! feel free to drop them in the ask box or here in the chat so we can scream about the lawful husbands together

[neptuniadoesstuff]

Major spoilers for my hk universe, KoD

Idk click reading too the spoiler. Beware, it's kinda... horrifying.

Hyphen finally meets his dad again after many years of not seeing him, but when he does... half of his father's face is missing, almost like completely black, & he's crying out some orange stuff. Quirrel is somehow... still alive? & somehow still breathing even though he's infected, turns out the Radiance is actually still alive, but due to her being still alive (Even tho homegirl literally had her frikin face ripped off when Dwell first met her) she forcably infected the surv8vors of the infection as a last attempt of revenge against the PK. Quirrel was clearly trying to fight it off but he became so weak that he eventually succumbed to if. Hyphen, not wanting his father to literally die, takes him home, but only after quarantining himself & his father before taken back to the lab. However the vaccine he had atm apparently... didn't work? As this was a more advanced infection.

It was many weeks untill smtn eventually happened, weeks of Quirrel begging his own kid to kill him just so he wouldn't suffer anymore, Hyphen didn't want his own father to suffer & doing everything in his power to at least make things comfortable for his old man. But then... a visitor to Haekunola arrived.. This man was... Strange to say. He had brown fur on his antennas & head, green eyes, & a tan-brown colored body that covers him minus the many tiny spots that covers his face, he eventually introduced himself as dr Varrow. Dr. Varrow was willing to help Hyphen's father, saying he might know what to do about this as he had seen it before. Hyphen was quite skeptical but allowed him anyway... What else could he do?

A sample of the infection was taken from Quirrel & infused with different plants (which takes away pain), Lifeblood, & a strange purple/black liquid. This mixture was then mixed with the vaccine & injected into Quirrel. This mixture did take a while to make, which made sense to Hyphen as well... The vaccine he made also took quite a while. After a few days Quirrel was fine, while he was still aching from the infection, it did seem to slow down, slowly & steadily the infection went away. While yes the infection did cost Quirrel's face to be half missing, he was all good new now.

Hyphen thanked the doctor in qeustion. Varrow thanked him back & went his marry way, but before he went he gave Hyphen the blueprints to the serum & said "if you ever need me again, I'll always be in a medical camp nearby, no worries. & I'm proud of you for trusting me.. I know you were skeptical of me first, but then again I was just a stranger. Hope I'll meet you again when you're ready.."

So yeh that all da lore for this thing. Doesn't make much sense ig? But then again I h8 writing.

[paradoxicalpaldeann]

had a really silly fic idea which was mainly just me going feral for worldbuilding for animal hybrids where kaif is a dogboy/husky hybrid and stan's going to stay with him and ebbz for egx and ebbz casually mentions "oh yeah you got your rabies shots right" and stan is absolutely baffled, but the reason is dog hybrids like kaif are one of the very few hybrids out there who can be completely asymptomatic rabies carriers (not as in the period of no symptoms before the disease presents and kills you, as in they're essentially immune but can also spread it) for the hybrid variant of the disease (it's a lot easier to treat and vaccinate against compared to normal rabies but still lethal as fuck) and they found out kaif was a rabies carrier recently when he bit a guy in self defence and the guy fucking died due to rabies so now kaif's on 'probation'- he's been given something which prevents him from spreading it any further (they can't remove it fully he can't donate blood or be an organ donor ever) but it takes a few months to see if its taken hold properly so kaif has to wear a muzzle in public and legally anyone who plans to spend two or more hours in his vicinity in a private space needs to be vaccinated against rabies, or else they essentially waive some of their rights and if kaif can prove he warned this person he was on probation and they refused vaccination he can basically get away with murder as they knew the risks. this is also how kaif and ebbz never noticed he was a carrier before, ebbz had grown up around hybrids and already got all her shots so when they made out kaif didn't transmit it so then stan, a cat hybrid who was already worried about invading kaif's personal space due to instincts is even more worried because HE HAS RABIES???? and like!!! the hybrid rabies makes instincts more full on!!!!! kaif's gonna fucking hate this what the hell and then stan gets in there but he's really lethargic due to the vaccine and kaif's hybrid instincts just go "sleeepy booooy :))))" and they cuddle. stan is baffled as to why kaif is suddenly the most affectionate motherfucker ever and kaif and ebbz find it hilarious. but yeah as kaif is a rabies carrier his instincts are a lot more full on compared to normal hybrids but honestly it just makes him silly. its why he bit the guy in self defence instead of doing anything else, instincts went "MOUTH". ebbz says anything along the lines of "i love you" "you're cute" "going for a walk" and his ears instantly go ⬆️⬆️⬆️ like he's an overexcited puppy. he tilts his head whenever he's confused. if he's tired and itchy he will attempt to use his feet (back paws) to scratch himself which has led to him falling off at least 17 different chairs, four beds and one stool. he doesn't scream when he gets scared he yelps and whimpers.

i just went feral for worldbuilding a world where animal hybrids were normal and the medical + legal side of it which is where this came from, i went "kaif biting hazard" and my brain exploded from there. i might write this fic just for fluff and fun